I FEEL

I did a survey, one day ago. A post I saw on Twitter.

‘I need help’ and ‘I love you’ were the most replies. ‘I’m hurting’ came really close too and ‘I apologize’ had the least.

But it all comes down to our feelings I guess.

We hide our true feelings behind masks and now behind the screens of our devices.

I guess what we fear the most is the reply to whatever we say.

We fear the scrutiny that society and now social media that comes with admitting what we feel.

I feel.

I am human so I feel.

I personally, might be among the people who hardly admit when they need help.

I’d rather get lost and wander in a new town for hours for what was meant to be a 10 minute errand. (Trust me it happened)

I’d rather retreat in my shell and put a cap on anything negative that I feel than talking about it.

I’d rather drag myself to the hospital alone than worry anybody when I’m sick.

I realize it’s wrong.

We have friends and family for this reason and many more.

When we’re down, talk to somebody.

When you love, admit it

When you hurt, seek help

When we wrong, ask for forgiveness.

When we’re lost, ask for directions

We are not lonely islands drifting in the sea

Nor are we lone cacti in the desert

We are humans and so we feel

And others have felt what we feel

They can help

I realize admitting one’s feelings on something may go wrong

But what if goes right?

What if it does work out?

What if it all falls into place?

From today onwards, I look forward to saying what I feel in hopes it helps one admit theirs.

Love, care and kindness are too precious for one to just hold on to alone. Spread the feelings.

You are not a pre-programmed robot trained to eat, work, sleep and wake.

Love in the moment with joy and happiness.

Trust in a Higher Power looking after you and paving the way for you.

I feel relieved as I type this out.

I love you. ❤

Why Watamu is Wonderful

The Island Guru

Defined by it’s natural, calm and peaceful nature Watamu is a small coastal village located on the Northern Coast a few kilometres before Malindi Town. Watamu has managed to maintain it’s nature and remains one of Coast’s undeveloped areas. Habitat for an impeccable marine and coral life, Watamu Marine National Park and Reserve has been named one of the best in Africa. Watamu should be your next stop for a worthwhile holiday and I will tell you why.

A place rich in culture with a touch of history, Watamu is home for a unique Swahili experience. The people of Watamu are very welcoming and sometimes they get too nice and accommodating it could bug you. It is important to note that the culture has also been influenced by a few Italians who have managed to settle in this village. If you love food then this place would be perfect for…

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#WeStandTogether

From a morning filled with laughter, jokes, people milling about doing their business and others scouring the depths of their photo albums to keep up with the #10YearsChallenge, to events so horrific and terrifying that shook us all as Kenyans.

The moments that followed after I saw an active shootout ongoing in a city I call Home, a city I grew up in, a City my family lives in.
I held my breath in as I called and texted family to know if everyone was alright, and I clutched my hands in prayer, asking God to protect those still stuck inside.

The people inside were someone’s father, someone’s sister, someone’s mother, someone’s friend,and I could only just imagine the fear while one awaits to hear news about your loved ones.

After almost 14 hours of keeping up with all the news, local and international, the area was secured and all hostages rescued and the terrorists defeated.

For most, the horror ends there.

For others, the horrors had just began.

One who had to cover herself with the blood of her fallen comrades and stay still as bullets rained.

One who hid in a toilet as the terrorists combed through the plaza.

One who kept on waiting for hope, already accepted death, said his goodbyes.

One who called his father and ,made it out alive, but lost his brothers.

One who passed by fallen Kenyans, people who were moments ago, alive and going on with their lives.

700 made it out alive. Scarred. Traumatized. Survivors.

14 passed away.

14 never made it home.

14 friends.

14 family members.

14 people who left home with no idea of what the day holds.

Prayers came in all directions.

Support showed through.

Hundreds showed up for blood donation.

Mama showed up with tea for the brave souls that undertook the rescue mission.

And then came the hate.

My close friend locking herself in her room in the Campus hostels to avoid the taunting of her school mates.

Your neighbor Muhammad is now no longer your good friend, but a terrorist who needs to go back to his country.

People calling for raids and attacks on Muslim and Somali owned businesses and Worship places.

This is not my Kenya.

This is the time to RISE above the hate.

Terrorism has no colour, no religion, no community, no tribe.

We all are affected.

As a country.

As a people.

As a community.

Choose love and peace above the hate and division.

#WeStandTogether

#WeAreOne

#WeShallOvercome

HELPLESS

The worst feeling ever

One I never felt so deeply

Wishing I could do everything

Unable to do anything at all

Helpless.

Utterly and totally helpless.

Rationally, I know

There is no thing I could do

To change what happened

Yet here I am

Helpless

I wonder if this comes with the job

Having to remain closed off

Having to not feel

Knowing that others I’ll be able to help

While others I just have to watch them slip away

Knowing it was above me

And I know that what’s written will always happen

The course had been set

The timing was up

Yet I still feel

So helpless

I pray to Allah to ease this feeling

I know it was His will

And I know it was meant to happen

And slowly I’ll come to accept it

But this feeling I wish to never feel

So utterly helplessly helpless

DO IT ONCE MORE

Dust up, wipe away your tears and do it once more.

I’ve healed myself, more than once, with prayers and determination
Bowing my head and crying to My Lord
I’ve stitched myself up.
And I’ll do it once more.
And again.
And again.

I’ve faced so much worse than a broken heart
Clipped wings and a shattered dream
But I got up once
And I’ll do it once more.
And again.
And again.

I’ve faced bigger demons
Than self doubt
Hurtful comments and a low esteem
I rose up once
And I’ll do it once more.
And again.
And again.

I’ve lived through worse nightmares
Human monsters and two faced snakes
I’ve slayed them once
And I’ll do it once more.
And again.
And again.

I’ll never give up, even in the face of fear
Doubt and hurt
I faced them once
And I’ll do it once more.
And again.
And again.

cursed

Cursed one

‘Ulolaaniwa’

He never wanted me

Never will

A father is her daughter’s King

Mine is my nightmare

A father is to hold you

Mine is to hit me

A father is to love you

Mine loathes me

A father is to protect you

I need protection from him

A father is the light in his daughter’s eyes

Mine snatched all the light away

A girl is blessed to have her father alive

Mine is cursed to have me alive

I was taught

From when I could understand

Stay out of his way

He’ll kick me if I don’t

Stay out of his sight

What new curse could he come up with today?

Let him not hear you

You don’t want to be hit

I wonder why

He could never love me

I’ve tried my best

1st in all my classes

Until he made me drop out

Wasting his money

Only to be married

An excellent cook

Until he burnt me ‘accidentally’

A voice like a bird

Until he had me caged

Silent

Silent tears

As I cradled my broken arm

No hospitals

So it never healed right

A painful reminder

Each and every day

That I am cursed

Cursed to be born

Cursed to be his daughter

Cursed to be a girl

Simply cursed for who I am.

blind

Love blinds

So people say

Well, it never did me

I just chose to ignore

Ignored when he raised his voice

Ignored when he broke the TV

Ignored when he threw words around

Ignored, but felt it each time

Then he first raised his hand

I ignored

He left

I cried myself to sleep

I chose to be blind

I held it in

Chose to ignore

For my little 2 year old boy

I chose to be blind

Until I couldn’t anymore

Then I tried leaving

But I couldn’t

Mama said

What would people say?

Baba said

Think of your son

Auntie said

I probably deserved it

Society said

A woman should persevere

And everyone saw

The bruised arms

The black eyes

But everyone chose to ignore

They all become blind

He is my husband

I love him

I should persevere

Maybe, I did deserve it

I’ll hold my tongue

Never ask where he is

Never argue

Never raise my voice again

Blind to his faults

Then came my little girl

One look at her

And I knew

I wouldn’t let her live like I do

I’ll show her what love is supposed to be

Not a broken heart

A twisted arm

Or a bruised eye

Her Mama will make her proud

And I left

For my walking son

He shouldn’t be like

The monster he calls father

Love is not this.

I choose not to be blind anymore

Society be damned

I am no more blind

This time I choose to be deaf

Let them talk

hurt

First time she did it

We both were shocked

I was hurt

Bleeding

And not just from the cut

The one she placed

Right above my eye

8 stitches

But the pain

Was not as much as

The one in my heart

I was hurt

She said sorry

She was angry

It’ll never happen again

She held me as we both cried

And I believed her

And it happened again

A screaming match

Followed by a thrown vase

Then a cut again

This time my arm

And again

A blow to my head

She took me to the ER

Laughed off with the nurse

Men and their competitive nature

Got beaten up trashtalking

Said his team was better

I couldn’t say a word

Disoriented

Confused

Hurt

And again

And again

Every time she’s angry

Every time she’s upset

Elaborate lies

Made up stories

Who do I tell

Who do I confide in

That the one I love

Hurts me the most

UNTIL WHAT END

When faced with a trial

Where does strength start

Where does weakness end

When does it stop hurting

When is it being brave

Choosing not to give up

When is it being a fool

Holding on desperately

Until what end?

 

When is it a trial for strength

When is it a sign to move on

When do you tighten the hold

When do you cut loose the rope

When do you dust up and rise again

When do you choose to stay down

When is enough is enough

Until what end?

 

My Super Women

For your strength in public

And your tears behind closed doors

For standing up for yourself

For loving and living

Choosing to always choose you

For prioritizing your happiness

And fighting your battles

For trying to move on

Hour by hour

Day by day

For looking for a way forward

Slowly and steadily

Waking up every day to fight

For your hustle and bustle

For your honesty and modesty

For you being you

You are brave

Facing each day with a smile

You are beautiful

In your strength and struggle

You are amazing

For balancing it all

You are worthy

Of love and every thing good

You deserve the world and much more

I pray to My Lord

To give you courage to face it all

To give you strength whenever you feel weak

To give you light whenever you face darkness

To give you warmth whenever you feel cold and alone

I see you.

I appreciate you.

I love you.

And I’m always here for you.